Authenticity in the Professional World
{ Nick Lazzaro }
“Run as open, or am I already open, or should I just focus on the issues?” This is the mental mind game I continued to play as I made my decision. My choice was to focus on the issues and put me last. This is a choice I often found myself in during my times running for office. I usually tried to gauge the public sentiment, the mood and what my odds might be to win a race depending on the circumstances. I would then inform my decision using this bell-weather to decide if I should be more forward or quiet about who I am.
This is a decision many LGBTQ leaders, CEO’s, business owners face in the public arena. This is a hard choice for many reasons. The first being, that it feels like you are lying to yourself and everyone around you all over again, in the name of victory and self preservation. Second, it feels like you also disappoint people, especially LGBT youth, peers and family members. Third, you feel an anxiety that someone will out you all over again, but you are already out so does it really matter? But this isn’t a different kind of out. This is a PUBLIC out, not a friends and family “out”. This was the constant battle I waged in my head for weeks leading up to election day.
This was even a battle I still have in my mind now that I am elected. Millbury did not raise a pride flag, we did not celebrate anything or recognize anyone, I had to ask “was this my fault?” and “should I do better?” There is a constant battle in my head as to whether or not I should be MORE “out”, more in the public about this, more open to bridging the gap to the community. But everytime I seem to shy away from the challenge. I realized why.
When studying at The College of the Holy Cross I took a class on HIV/ Healthcare initiatives in Africa, one observation we continued to see throughout healthcare delivery was the need for victims of HIV to have to continue to out themselves, continue to advocate for themselves, and to be the beacons for those who were powerless. This is something I have also noticed as a gay person. There is a responsibility I did not ask for, I do not want sometimes, to constantly be the token to explain something, to have to advocate so others feel seen, to do the work to explain myself to others, and even endanger myself to be “authentic”. I want to change that narrative and give cover to those who struggle with their sexuality and tell them “ you only need to do what YOU feel comfortable doing”. As a member of the gay community I am not the savior, the token, nor the 24/7 justice warrior.
Bridging this gap was incredibly taxing on my mental health, as a business owner and candidate. I wanted to do what was right for my career, my person, and my community. Recognizing that being a part of this amazing community is, yes who I am, but is not what I am. There is a significant difference in who one is, and what one is. Maura Healey, is our first LGBT governor, which I only found out about after I voted for her, demonstrated what this looks like. She ran for several offices as the candidate that processes ambition, intelligence, charisma, and competence. Her sexuality, her personal life, was just a back story to who she is, not what she is. She is a sister, a daughter, a governor, a basketball fanatic, etc etc. Her identities took a back seat during her campaign and she centered herself around the issues that affect all of us.
I like to think in my most recent election that is exactly what I did. I centered myself around people, around their plights, and chose to listen instead of speak at them. This is something that took time to develop. I truly did not understand the importance of separating out who I am as an individual versus the job that I seek as a professional. This clear distinction helped me to shape how I formed my message, how I connected with voters, and drove me to a 3rd electoral success.